What's Your Social Intelligence Quotient?

Daniel Goleman, author of the 1995 best-seller "Emotional Intelligence" (over 5 million copies in print, in 30 languages) is now out with a sequel of sorts, "Social Intelligence," which deals with how we can be smarter in relationships with each other, be more empathetic, and learn how to read others' cues and act on them. 

Before I go one word further, a plea:  All of you who are about to "check out" psychologically or emotionally because this piece is starting to look like it will dwell on "soft" and not "hard" issues, let me ask you to bear with me for a few more paragraphs.  I promise it can pay off to litigators and transactional lawyers alike (not to mention the usual suspects, managing partners, senior partners, and executive committees).

Our starting point is an interview with Goleman by the Financial Times in its always-entertaining "Lunch with the FT" column which runs each weekend. 

Goleman's Social Intelligence has direct application to your firm, your office, your practice group:

"[Goleman:] A work environment that is emotionally toxic is also a great detriment to effectiveness. Socially intelligent leaders recognise that part of their world is to help other people be at their best - which is to be motivated, be enthused and be interested."

"[FT:] Does it surprise you how many leaders can't seem to do that effectively?

"Goleman answers almost mid bite: "It not only surprises me, it appals me. Frankly, it suggests to me that too many organisations are rather naive about the ingredients of leadership and make the classic mistake of assuming that someone who is an outstanding individual contributor would therefore be an outstanding leader. If they're an outstanding individual contributor keep them as an individual contributor. Give them a raise," he says emphatically."

Still assuming that your key rainmakers are the leading candidates for your next firm chair? 

Why, in the name of Peter Drucker, would you take precisely those people who are superb at an essential core competence for your firm and pluck them out of their native habitat into unfamiliar and unwelcoming waters? I implore you—implore is not too strong a word, and I considered it—not to look to your rainmakers for your next CEO.

Short of selecting your next firm chair, what can we take away from Goleman's thoughts? 

Surely every litigator facing an adversary, cross-examining a hostile witness, or even defending the deposition of a friendly one, can learn something; as can every corporate/-transactional lawyer negotiating a deal or trying to understand a client's true business objectives.  This is Goleman's response when asked by the FT reporter "How do we get better" at this talent called "social intelligence?:"

"Listening poorly is the common cold of social intelligence. And it's being made worse by technology. To have a human moment, you need to be fully present. You have to be away from your laptop, you put down your BlackBerry, you end your daydream and you pay full attention to the person you're with. It may sound rudimentary, but think about how often we just keep multitasking and half pay attention. You can overcome that by becoming mindful of what is happening."

"Mindful of what is happening."  A friend of mine has a term of exceptionally high praise reserved for people who truly earn it, and they are few and far between.  The phrase is "of the moment."  People who listen "of the moment" are blessed, and worth deeply engaging with.

Key into the jury, the deponent, your adversary, the client's CFO, your eager but unsure associate. 

Wouldn't you aspire to be seen as worth deeply engaging by clients, colleagues, and heck, even your spouse and kids?  Be, then, of the moment.  Be mindful.  Be socially intelligent.